ALL I SEE IS COLOURS

Today was purple

Yesterday was grey,

Not in any meaningful way—just dull,

Like trying to hold sand but it’s already slipping away.

It didn’t even have the decency to be bad,

Just empty, a quiet exhaustion that clings to your skin.

The day before was brown,

Like that old, dusty book no one touches anymore,

Its pages yellowed and brittle, like they’re tired too.

Honestly, I couldn’t tell you what happened.

Maybe nothing. Maybe that’s worse than something bad happening.

And today... today is purple.

But not the beautiful kind you see in sunsets.

It’s the kind that feels like a bruise that never heals,

Just stuck there, reminding you with every breath that something hurts.

I keep waiting for it to fade, but it just stays... like a bad roommate.

Tomorrow’s on its way, probably blue,

But not the kind that makes you feel alive.

It’s more like the kind where you wake up and everything feels heavy,

Where you just stare at the ceiling and wonder, “Why do I bother?”

I don't even care if the sun rises tomorrow. It’ll just burn out like I feel.

I’m so tired.

But not the kind of tired that a nap or coffee can fix.

I’m the kind of tired where my soul is dragging behind me,

And every day blurs into the next, and you start to forget what hope even felt like.

I try to remember, but it’s like reaching for a dream that crumbles the second you open your eyes.

Is there even light at the end of this tunnel?

I used to believe in it, fight for it, claw my way toward it,

But the harder I fight, the darker it seems to get.

I feel like the tunnel is swallowing me whole,

And sometimes I wonder if the light was ever real to begin with.

But here I am, still moving,

Because, somehow, it used to be worse.

Back then, I couldn’t even see the colours.

Everything was just this endless, suffocating black.

I was barely living, just floating through space, hoping to feel something, anything.

At least now I can tell the difference between grey and brown,

Between purple and blue.

It’s not much, but I guess it’s something.

So I plead—God, universe, whatever’s out there—

Please, just throw me a lifeline.

I don’t need it to be bright, I don’t need it to be perfect,

I just need something. Anything that says I’m still here.

And I’m grateful...

I guess...

Because it’s not as bad as it used to be.

But sometimes I wonder,

Is that really enough? Is surviving enough?

Or is there supposed to be more than just waking up to a world of dull colours,

Hoping, maybe, one day they’ll be bright again?

Because, God, I’d love to see a real sunset,

To feel that warmth without the weight pressing down on my chest.

But I’ll wait. I’ve gotten good at that.

I’m patient, like a joke no one laughs at,

Funny in the way you’re not sure if it’s tragic or just sad.

But I’ll keep going, I guess.

Because I used to be lost in the dark...

And maybe, just maybe, there’s still a way out of this tunnel.

© Enara Nsan aka Enara writes